Ian Miller

Relationships with people are very important. Take care of existing relationships, and pursue new ones when possible.

Don’t be the drunkest person at every social event. People notice and remember that person.

Take ceremony seriously. It seems stupid sometimes, and might be irrational. But it makes things feel special over time.

It doesn’t matter if you can’t dance well. Dance anyways.

Live music is better than recorded music. Listening to music with other people is much more fun than listening to the same music by yourself.

Weddings are more fun when you take a date that you like.

Starting over when you need to is very hard and you usually don’t want to. Starting over when you want to is very easy and you usually don’t need to. • Do not spiral when you hear bad news or get your heart broken. It is ok to be upset, but in time, know that it will get better. The way you feel about this girl, you will feel the same way about another girl eventually. Keep your head and know that you have people in your life that love you. • I am writing this at a time when starting over is necessary. I can confirm it is very hard and I don’t want to. It is the right decision though. In the long run, everything will be ok. • “I know it hurts. Bad. Everyone goes through it. Your father included. All I can offer is to tell you it’s normal to go through this and to feel this way. I love you more for it! And to keep trying, keep engaging. You’ll find that special someone who feels the same way about you and the low you’re feeling now will be inverted and the sky will be the bluest you have ever seen. Don’t recoil and withdraw… that won’t help anyone, especially that beautiful special girl that is out there waiting for you right now and is just waiting to meet you.“ -Dad, 28 March 2022

Sometimes, it’s better to give yourself fewer options. Ulysses Contract is when you make a decision in the present that binds you to some action or situation in the future. Use Ulysses Contracts for good in your own life.

Love is the most important thing that exists. Cherish the people that you love, and work hard to build love with other people. This is easier said than done and sounds obvious. I will try to live with this idea in the front of my mind.

Do not make a habit of flaking on plans last minute. Whether it’s true or not, doing this communicates to the other party that you do not care about them or their time. Much better to not commit to a plan, than to commit and fail to execute that plan.

Be willing to be vulnerable around people you trust. It is hard to shoulder life’s burdens by yourself, and being vulnerable around friends and family can lighten the load that you carry. Be careful who you trust to help carry this load though.

“Stories from when I was fucked up at a party” can be really funny if the listener was there or knows all of the characters in the story. Those same stories are almost never funny to people that were not there.

Read more Hemingway. Communicate more in fewer words. Give people the benefit of the doubt that they are smart and will know what you are talking about. • It’s as if you are sharing a secret with them. By not telling the full story, you are letting the other person make that final logical leap together with you. This is a moment of camaraderie and energy that is hard to replicate with spoken words. • The deliberate absence of words can be powerful

Have 2 or 3 stories that you can share with people when you meet them for the first time. Be energetic and outgoing initially, and then let the other person talk once you’ve convinced them that you are worthy of receiving their stories. • At a bar, I can normally steer the conversation back to 1 of 3 or 4 things: ○ I went to MIT (people usually have some sort of emotional reaction to this, perhaps the biggest benefit of going to a school like this is that it is interesting fodder for bar talk) ○ I ran a 50 mile ultramarathon, broke my foot at mile 30, and finished the rest of the race. ○ I spent a month in Iraq for work ○ I’ve been in 4-5 car accidents, including hitting a pedestrian • The first minute or so is crucial in determining which of these anecdotes will land well ○ Only 1 of them is self-deprecating, which could be good if the woman (or man) feels intimidated by my presence ○ The month in Iraq is probably best saved for when conversation naturally drifts to work/Army ○ 50 miler story I’ll use if I think the girl (or guy) is liberal, to be honest. No one has a problem with running. ○ MIT is a last resort, which I will only bring up after I ask where the other person went to school. This is sometimes met with resentment unfortunately. Little do they know, that place is a shithole. At work, some people notice what you wear and some people do not. It’s a small sample size, but everyone who has noticed changes in what I wear were product/BD people, not engineers. It seems a relatively small price to pay (buying and wearing nicer clothes) in order to command more respect from those people. Not to mention, women seem to notice this too.

Not everything has a point. (Norm Macdonald)

Slow down when doing something if you want to avoid mistakes. Perhaps this is the beauty of the Army Way. Things move slowly but mistakes are costly. That slowness allows for thoroughnes. People in civilian life are VERY often not thorough. It is boring and unsexy and painful to be thorough. But mistakes happen when you are not thorough. Mistakes happen when you rush.

Do not try to be friends with everyone who works for you. That is not the job. It is also not your job to be fully vulnerable in front of everyone.

It can always get much worse.

In a crowd of strangers, people look for the familiar. In a crowd of familiar, people look for the strangers.

Stop rushing. Take your time and get things right the first time. • If are nervous, you will rush. If you rush, you will make more mistakes and therefore justify your nervousness. Don’t try not to be nervous, just slow down.

Not everyone will be in love with you. You are not God. Life as God is boring. God doesn’t struggle.

If you are never bored, you are probably boring. • The previous month has been quite stressful and I have been working many hours. The work is engaging. I am slightly obsessed with making sure some the things that I’m working go well. I am not bored. And I know that I have been boring. I don’t usual struggle to talk to random people, but I am currently. I think this is because my subconscious is preoccupied and cannot focus on being fully in the moment. I cannot connect fully with the person in front of me. • I have found the opposite happens when I take time off, or just generally work less for a given week or 2 stretch.

Put your phone away at the dinner table.

Stay in good shape. Remember this present moment. You are in very good shape. You maintain a very strict diet and workout regimen. The effects are that you look good, and feel good. You are much more confident and command more respect from your peers. Random women come up to you in public because they find you attractive. That does not happen to 95% of guys, and it didn’t happen to you when you were fat.

My Dad has a great gift of tolerance and optimism. He is so secure in himself that needs not bring others down at any point. From my experience, this is a very rare profile. Lots of “alpha” types will lead the herd with violence and fear. My Dad does not do this. And yet he commands a room nevertheless.

Slow down.

Get out of your head.

There are an incredibly small number of absolutes. Here are the only 2 I’ve ever though of: 1- Loving people is always a good thing 2- Being hopeless is never a good thing To speak in absolutes about anything else is foolish.

Be able to laugh at yourself, but don’t do it too much.

Social media is an antisocial drug. There is never a good reason to use it. You are addicted. You must stop using it.

Information to action ratio -> prioritize the consumption of information that will most effect your actions

Leading People • Make sure to check in with your subordinates often. I used to confuse this for micro-management. The act of checking in is not the thing that is frustrating to the subordinate. It’s the way that check-in is communicated. Ask if there are blockers. • Would Alexander the Great talk like that in front of his men? Then you shouldn’t. • It’s ok to not know the answer right now. It’s much worse to pretend like you know the answer when you know you don’t the answer.

NEVER, ever feel sorry for yourself. It is tempting. I have yet to think of a single benefit. Never.